i don't know what to do (with my tenderness)
by words-with-dragons
Summary: A place to store all my Rayllum drabbles and shorter oneshots, originally posted on tumblr at "raayllum." Ch6: cute post-s3 rayllum goodness with a dash of angst
1. you happen to me all over again

**Summary:** "Hey, I like her too. But the thing is, she's... not telling us everything. I can feel it." Or, a oneshot in which Callum likes Rayla, against his better judgement. Set in between 1x03 and up until 1x06. [Rayla/Callum]

chapter title comes from edith wharton's, "the age of innocence"

* * *

(each time) you happen to me all over again

The first time Callum leaves Rayla alone with Ezran, he's nervous.

It's not that Ez is dumb, because he isn't, and it's not that Rayla's dangerous, even though she is, but because they've only been travelling through the woods for a day or two, and he can still remember the way her blades felt at his throat. His eyes track her as she plots out their path through the woods towards the Banthor Lodge, even if he's the one giving instructions, and he can't shake the feeling that she's in charge. Even if he and Ezran are princes and she's just an assassin, and it's their dragon egg, and they left everything behind to try and deliver it to the Dragon Queen.

The again, Callum considers, Rayla had too. And sometimes she smiles and teases him, and he can forget how they met. But then he looks at Ezran—there's only two targets tonight—and thinks of what would have happened if Callum hadn't talked long enough, if Rayla had been more impatient, if she'd found Ezran first, and he knows he can't forget.

He can't.

The thing is, Callum likes her. She's quick witted with a snarky streak, she knows her way around the forest and is kind to Ezran. Sure, she teases Callum a bit more than he'd like, but she also teaches him about magic, and calls him a mage. She's _cool_ , too, with her dual swords and fast paced fighting moves. He knows that if any enemies show up, between her blades and his magic, they can protect Ezran and the Egg.

And as the days pass, he doesn't think she'll turn those blades on them again, either. She'd fought the older elf, Runaan, had offered to go into the tower with him to save his dad. She doesn't drink blood, she's not a monster, and she tosses his cube into his lap with a scowl, but she still got it even when her life was at stake. She's scared of water and her eyes light up when she talks about Xadia, and he wishes he could see what she does. She's brave and she saved Bait and she wishes her parents were dead. Callum swallows and doesn't hold it against her, because she doesn't know about his mother, and Moonshadow culture is different, anyway.

Every time he thinks he's got a good hold on things, that he's paying enough attention, has figured out something is odd, that she's keeping something from them, that she's an elf but not what he thought elves were like, that she's an assassin who's kind, every time he thinks he's being vigilant she'll smile at him and he drops his guard with all the grace of a buttery fingered buffoon. Each time, she happens to him all the time, and while his suspicion grows, so does his sadness that he can't let her in as much as Ezran has, as much as he wants to.

Because he does. He wants to.

When Callum wakes up and Ezran says Rayla is gone, his first fear is for the Egg, but his second—one he tampers down and holds close to his chest—is of her. They might be relatively safe in the woods, but they're still in a very human Katolis. Aunt Amaya likely wouldn't have given up the hope of 'saving' him and Ezran that easily.

"But I like her, Callum," Ezran says, and Callum sighs as his brow pinches.

"Hey, I like her too."

Because he does. A lot. He's never had a friend like her before. He's not even sure he can call her a friend. But he knows he feels like she's one, knows he'd rely on her if he has to. He know relies on her more than he currently has to. Callum purses his lips and raises his hands.

"But she's not telling us everything. I can _feel_ it."

Because he can, in the way she looks away quickly sometimes, in how her jokes will fill the silence around their campfires until something in her eyes shift, and she falls quiet. In the way she herds them along quickly and rubs at her wrist, and he doesn't want to ask again because she technically gave him an answer even if it's not one he buys.

In a way, he's glad he spends the rest of the early morning infuriated by her, in the way she won't give him a straight answer and makes their lives harder, with the trek up the mountain. It's easier to be angry at her, and her strange stupid Moonshadow wristband. Because he hates that he likes her as much as he does, despite everything.

And he doesn't like that he has a growing feeling that if he had to save her or the Egg, he'd pick her, and he doesn't know what that says about him, at all.

—


	2. your heart is your masterpiece

your heart is your masterpiece

 **Summary:** It's Rayla's sixteenth birthday. Callum knows exactly what to get her. [Rayla/Callum] title is from "i'll keep you safe," by sleeping at last

* * *

An artist's sketchbook was a precious thing. Callum had been a little hesitant to hand it over to Rayla, that first morning after fleeing the castle, but she'd tended to it with care, only using one page, and tucking the charcoal back between two pages and giving it back exactly the way he'd handed it to her. He hadn't minded letting her draw in it occasionally since then, her sketches mostly creatures from Xadia and strange fauna that fascinated her. She helped him keep a glossary of spells near the back of the book, her handwriting neater than his. _Astero_ and _fulminus_ had been the first, but plenty more had been added over the last two months as she remembered more draconic words.

It had been Ezran who'd had the mind to ask her about birthdays, when they'd stumbled into a small town and passed by a cake shop. He'd been eagerly discussing Callum's upcoming birthday for about a week now, bemoaning the lack of jelly tarts and cake (and Callum could agree that birthdays at the castle had always been fun) when Ezran had turned to the elf, his eyes bright, and asked, "Rayla, when's your birthday?"

The girl paused, dappled light from the setting sun beset in mountains catching the curve of her lips and her white locks of hair. It was moments like these that made Callum want to draw her, even if he feared she'd find any sketch he made, now that she perused his sketchbook so often.

"At the end of the month," she said.

"The thirty-first?" Callum said.

A smile tugged at her mouth. "No, the thirty-second. Yes, the thirty-first, you dummy."

Callum huffed, even if he wasn't that annoyed. "Just checking."

Ezran seized her hand, and Callum smoothed down the flap of his brother's knapsack to better hide the sleeping Zym. "We should get you a cake and presents!"

Rayla chuckled, bending down to his level. "That's very sweet Ez, but I don't need all that. Besides, we don't know when the next town will be, and we already have plenty we need to get. It's alright. Just a birthday wish from you will be more than enough."

"What am I," said Callum, "chopped liver?"

"Aye, don't worry," Rayla said, straightening up and nudging Callum in the side. "I'd never forget about you, pouty prince."

Callum narrowed his eyes at her, but then Ez was tugging her along and asking all about birthdays for Moonshadow elves, customs and stuff like that. Callum listened to Rayla patiently explaining that Moonshadow elves got their tattoos when they turned fourteen, and he was building up the drive to be a buzzkill and remind them to keep their voices down, when—

He stopped in front of the shabby store they'd walked in front of, the windows full of musty books and ones with glossy covers, and—sketchbooks!

"I'm gonna duck in here for a minute," he called to them.

"You've already filled up your sketchbook?" said Ezran.

"Just browsing," he said, not wanting to voice the idea already forming in his head. Not yet anyway. "I'll catch up with you soon, okay?"

Rayla eyed him warily. "Just meet us back in an hour," she said. "By the fountain."

He gave her his best, most charming smile; it didn't do much. "Hey, am I ever not on time?"

"Well actually," Ezran piped up, and Callum shot him a look, even as his brother and friend exchanged cheeky grins.

"I'll meet you by the fountain in an hour," Callum said, and shut himself away inside the store, sighing. Why was he doing this again? Oh, right.

He found the shop owner by the checkout, somewhere among the crowded bookshelves and tables stacked with thick tomes and journals. It was an elderly man with grey hair turning white and half-moon spectacles. A sign, maybe, if Callum believed in those.

"Hello," Callum said, and he twisted the end of his scarf in one hand, stupidly and suddenly nervous, "do you have any blank sketchbooks for sale?"

* * *

Afterwards, the biggest issue was keeping the present hidden. He'd bought a nice leather-bound sketchbook and had traded some of his best sketches of animals and fauna for it (the shopkeeper had wanted to frame them and sell them for a good price), so he just hoped Rayla wouldn't notice they were gone or that his bag was slightly thicker than usual.

His birthday came and went, and while fifteen didn't feel any older, there was a pang at not being at the castle and with his dad and Aunt Amaya for it. Ezran gave him a big hug and some sort of drawing scribbled on the back of a dry piece of bark, and Callum felt touched it'd been weighing on his baby brother's mind enough for there to be anything. Rayla had given him a grin and the last of her new batch of moonberry juice, and a promise to not tease him for the rest of the day. (He wasn't sure how long that would actually last, but hey—it was a nice sentiment.)

"So," Rayla said as they trekked through the woods one day, a week until her birthday, "is your present going to be I get to tease you as much as I want for a whole day?" she joked.

Callum smirked at her, and watched Zym bounding in front, Ezran on his heels and a disgruntled Bait attempting to keep up. "I don't know," he drew out the syllables.

Rayla snorted and rolled her eyes. "Please. It's not like you know how to make moonberry juice."

"You'll see what I have planned," he promised, and her smile softened. Callum looked away and scooped up Bait as a distraction until Bait escaped his grasp and Rayla, finally, looked away. The prince found himself both relieved and disappointed. It always did funny things to his stomach when Rayla smiled at him like that, and he still wasn't sure what to make of it.

Callum was just glad she didn't press him too much on his 'plan' for the next week; he had a feeling it'd be awfully hard to convincingly lie to her (when his little brother's life wasn't on the line, anyway).

Finally, though, it was the thirty-first, and it seemed everyone was in the mood to wake up early that day (except maybe Bait). Ezran was energetic and Rayla spry, and he gave her the same birthday hug he'd given Callum, alongside some sort of small wooden spear that Zym had helped him furnish. Callum had to admit it would be a better tool for spearing fish in the rivers they walked along than her swords. Maybe he should have gotten a more practical gift for her after all...

Callum shook himself. No. She liked drawing in his sketchbook _a lot_. She'd like having her own.

Once she'd finished praising Ezran for his gift, Rayla looked at Callum with a smile. "Callum—"

He gave her an excited grin. All his hiding and hoping was about to pay off. "Wait here," he said, and grabbed his bag from behind the boulder near their campfire. He hauled it back over to where she and Ezran were sitting on more small rocks, and knelt in front of her as he threw back the flap. "Here!" He held the leather-bound book out to her in his hands.

The smile was wiped off her face, her eyes wide. "Callum, I..." She took the book from him, their fingers brushing, her eyes glued to it.

"It's a sketchbook," he elaborated with a wave of his arm. "I thought you'd like drawing in your own one, you know."

Rayla let out a soft noise of disbelief, and then raised her head and smiled at him. "Yes, thank you, I—" She flipped open the cover and a ran a hand over the creamy soft page inside, and he saw the happiness on her face falter. Why was she sad? He watched her force the smile back up, even as his vanished. "Thank you," she said again. "I love it."

Ezran looked between them as her smile grew weaker, and his face remained a mix of confusion and sadness. Zym chirped, and Ezran hastily scooped him up. "Yes, I think Zym needs to go, so Bait and I will just—take him! We'll be back later okay bye!"

Callum didn't watch Ezran wander over to the rim of the woods surrounding their clearing. He had his answer now, as he levelled his gaze at Rayla. "You don't like it," he said. He tried not to let disappointment well up too strongly inside him. It wasn't her fault she didn't like it. He'd just picked the wrong gift—and jeez, he'd nearly spent _money_ on it too—

"No," said Rayla, "no, I do, it's just—"

Callum rubbed the back of his neck. "It's alright, Rayla—"

"No." She seized his hand and pulled it overtop the sketchbook's cover. "I do like it. It's just..." She sighed and bowed her head slightly, and his face heated as she ran her thumb over his gloved knuckles. "I mostly liked drawing in your sketchbook because I was drawing with _you_."

Something warm fluttered in his chest, and her admission seemed to knock him hard over the head. Callum had to blink a few times, before uttering, "Oh."

Rayla pushed herself off her rock and started to walk away, her new book tucked under her arm. "Forget it," she said with a shake of his head, but Callum sprang after her.

"Wait, Rayla—" He caught her by the arm and wheeled her back to him. Her face was screwed up in a frown as he tried not to laugh. The whole situation was absurdly funny, suddenly. Or maybe it was the elation at what she'd just said. Either way, he grinned at her. "That's okay. I like drawing with you too."

Rayla's eyes darted away, and then back at him. He'd never seen her so shy before. "You - you do?"

He nodded. "Yeah." He slung his bag over his shoulder, his own sketchbook landing resoundingly against his leg. "Tell you what. How about we finish filling my sketchbook up with drawings, and then we start drawing in yours?"

Rayla smiled at him, broad and her eyes brimming with happiness. "Deal."

(Later, if their hands brushed while both drawing on the same page, they only smiled and added more streaks of charcoal to the page.)


	3. still into you

**still into you**

Summary: Years after the end of the war, Rayla and Callum visit Katolis.

* * *

"Callum, c'mon—" A tug on his scarf that he brushes off, too comfortable to care. He keeps his eyes stubbornly shut, but he can still picture the eyeroll his partner must be giving him at this point. She tugs again, on the lapels of his coat this time. "Come on, sleepy prince," she says, just a smidgen more fond than exasperated. "The carriage can't be that comfortable."

As if to prove her right, it jolts upwards and his brow hits the window it was pressed against. They must've gone over a pot hole, which means that they've reached the beginnings of Ez's new infrastructure project and—yeah, he really should get up now. He rubs at the injured spot on his temple, feeling a bit like a baby maybe, but is it really fair that Rayla's smirking at him like that, all too pleased with herself?

He looks far more awake than he does, her hair braided back in a looser coil that reaches her shoulder blades, her eyes sparkling in a way that still makes him stop and stare, because how can any one person be _that_ beautiful? She's pulled on her sleek green robes too, the seal of Katolis stitched along the sleeve hems as a show of diplomacy and goodwill—she's basically the kingdom's princess after all, even if no one would dare call her that.

And she's smirking at him, a hand on her hip and her wedding band glittering up at him. "Are you just going to ogle all day," she teases, "or are you going to freshen yourself up a bit, too?"

Callum pushes himself up, soothed slightly when she leans over and smooths his hair out for him. "I don't look too bad, do I?" he says hopefully, fighting off a yawn.

Rayla pats his cheek, fingers catching the stubble growing along his jaw. "You could use a shave," she jeers, and he swats her hand away with an eye roll and smile of his own.

"You like it."

"Hm."

Ezran is waiting for them in the castle's main courtyard when they arrive, and Callum has to tilt his head back to look his baby brother in the eye once they're done embracing. He still doesn't quite know how to tell Ez he reminds him more of Harrow every day, in his kindness and kingliness, but he's sure he'll find a way soon enough. Ezran hugs Rayla next, and she beams at him.

"How are the wee humans doing?" she asks, referring to his subjects.

"Managing without their Xadian protector," Ezran says, and they laugh. It's one of the sounds that make Callum feel the most whole. "How's everyone back in Ryling?"

"Good," Callum says.

"But nosy," Rayla adds. "Our neighbours asked me the other day when we're having children, and we're not even _wed_ yet—"

"Until Runaan's asking I don't think it's that much of a problem," Callum says, looping his arm around her waist and she settles, letting out a sigh of exasperation.

"Sorry," she says to Ezran, working her mouth around the apology as though it was ill-fitting. "I didn't mean to come all this way to vent to you."

"Don't apologize," the king says. "I've missed it." He eyes both of them, and Callum can see the mischievous glint of youth amid the deep blue. "And I trust you two have missed our customary jelly tarts?"

"Very much," Callum agrees, and Ezran laughs and escorts and dines with them in the kitchens the way the two boys used to do in their childhood. It makes him happy that he gets to share he and Ezran's old tradition with Rayla, now. In spite of the crazy circumstances they met each other in, sometimes he has trouble remembering he and Ez haven't actually known her all their lives, even if the night they snuck out of the castle with a dragon egg feels like a whole lifetime, instead of just ten years, ago.

Even the king can't have afternoons, off though, so Ezran gets dragged away to some meetings and promises to meet them for dinner. On any other day Callum would have been disappointed his brother had to go, but not today, as they share a wink before he left and unbeknownst to Rayla. This surprise is for her, after all, and it's something her and him have to do on their own.

By now, everyone is used to Rayla's presence and any who opposed in the earlier years have been fired, so they spend a good hour or two sitting in the courtyard benches and enjoying the courtyard weather. It's colder in Ryling during this time of year, and Callum has missed spring in Katolis with its warm breezes.

It's close to three, judging by the sun dial and shadows, when Callum finishes his drawing and Rayla lets out a hum of approval at it. He closes his sketchbook, and then takes her hand.

"C'mon," he says. "There's something I wanna do before dinner."

She smirks. "Oh?"

He gives her a smirk of his own and tugs her up by the hand. "Not that," he says. "At least, not yet," he amends, pressing a quick kiss to her lips, and he can feel her smiling. "Now c'mon."

He doesn't let go of her hand, and she lets him lead her back into the castle and onto the upper floors near the turrets. The hallways begin to look familiar before they pass an old suit of armour, and a red embroidered tapestry on the wall, and he watches and waits for the recognition to come into her eyes. It does slowly, and her hand slips out of his as she takes a few steps forwards, the way he knew she would, to double check.

"Callum?" she says, wonderingly, as she turns back to face him with a soft awe on her face, and then shock overtakes her beautiful features because he's on one knee, and holding a box with a ring. Rayla gasps. "This—"

"—is the hallway where we first met? Yes it is," he says, beaming, and although she's covering her mouth with her hands he can see the smile growing underneath. "You snuck up on me that day, in more ways than one, and you didn't just sweep the leg—you also swept me off my feet."

"Sap," she says, but she's crying a little and smiling too wide for it to have any bite.

"It's the truth," he says, and she laughs. "Rayla," he continues and she quiets, although her smile doesn't dim. "You are my best friend and you've already been my family for a long time. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you happy, and only slightly annoyed. Rayla, will you marry me?"

Rayla steps forward and he stands, and then she's throwing her arms around him and hugging him tight. "Yes, I'll marry you."

Later, when they tell Ezran, he only has a smug look on his face. "Took you both long enough. 'Because you're with a girl,' remember?"


	4. endearment

endearment

Rayla hadn't meant for it to slip out. It just... had.

In her defense, she'd been sleepy, resting her head on Callum's shoulder and careful not to poke him with her horns. It'd been a long day, trekking across forest before they'd finally made camp. Callum was warm and so was Zym curled at her feet, her belly full after skinning and eating the rabbits she'd caught earlier that day. It was the most peaceful day they'd had in Xadia for a while, possibly ever.

She'd been smiling, idly watching Callum draw the mysterious or magical things they'd seen during the day in his sketchbook. The most she'd done to deserve this was to point out a tiny mistake, an inaccuracy in an animal she only knew because so many of the small, squirrel like creature lived near her homestead.

Callum had stuck his tongue out between his lips in concentration while he worked, carefully wiping the mistake with his fingers and trying not to smudge the other lines.

Her eyes flickered up to his face instead of his hands. They'd been in Xadia for a few weeks now and his starry eyed gaze hadn't faltered for a second. "Well?" she said. "Is Xadia everything you hoped it would be?"

He looked over at her, his eyes crinkling, excitement bubbling up in his voice. "Even better. Even with what you said, about magic just being like nature, I never could dreamt all of this up—and it's _real,_ and amazing, and—"

A smile pulled at her lips; he was always so infectious, every bit of his mood bleeding into her. She closed her eyes after a moment, content just to listen. It took a few more seconds to realize he'd stopped.

"Hey, are you _sleeping_?"

"Mm?" Her eyes cracked open to find Callum barely holding in a pout at her.

"Didn't realize I was so boring," he mumbled, and Rayla gave a little laugh.

"You're not," she said, her filters too far down, subdued and softened by sleep, for her to think too much about what she said next. She'd long come to terms with his voice being one of her favourite sounds. "I just like listening to you talk, _arlan_."

That was enough to make her heart hammer in her chest, panic passing over her face. She could only thank her lucky stars Callum didn't know what it meant—how could he? She schooled her expression into some calm, teasing to counteract her sincerity, and Callum gave her a slight smile and an eye roll.

"Fine, just go to sleep, Rayla," he said, a mix of exasperated and fond.

She didn't have to be told twice, and closed her eyes. She manipulated her breathing to something that sounded like sleep, even if she was wide awake now, and only let out a sigh of relief when she heard Callum nod off. She'd dodged an arrow, there.

Now just to hope it stayed that way.

* * *

It was only two weeks later at Tinker's that Callum thought about the incident again. They were sitting on the back porch of the house, away from the majority of Rayla's old village. Rayla had gone with Zym to let him stretch his wings out in the woods instead of being cooped up all the time, but Callum thought having regular meals and a warm bed was a pretty good tradeoff for the few days they were staying.

That, and Tinker was definitely nicer than his husband, and a bit of mage like himself. He knew some draconic that Callum had scribbled down in his sketchbook, and occasionally spoke the native Moonshadow tongue with Rayla.

So as Callum flipped past an old drawing of Rayla in his sketchbook, one completed at the campfire the night, the memory came back to him. He cleared his throat and plucked up his nerve; he still wasn't super comfortable with the older elf, after all. "Tinker, can I ask you something?"

Tinker stopped well, tinkering, with the metalwork in his lap. Some kind of complex elven clock. "Of course, Callum."

"Rayla called me an _arlan_ the other week?" He was fairly certain he was pronouncing it right; she hadn't said it since. "I was just wondering what the human equivalent insult was."

Tinker stared at him. "Insult?"

"Well, yeah." Callum shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. "She calls me a dummy all the time, so I just figured—"

"It..." Tinker hesitated with a heavy breath, as though both unsure and resigned, and Callum faltered. Was it... not an insult? A teasing jab? Tinker's voice softened. "It means beloved, Callum."

"Oh," was all he managed, his mind racing to process. That didn't make any sense. His brow furrowed, his pencil going slack in his hand. Vaguely in the distance, his fuzzy vision could make out Rayla and Zym emerging from the trees. "It — it does? But why would she—"

Oh. _Oh._

He really was an idiot.

Callum pushed himself up with an unceremonious snap of his sketchbook, and this time it was Tinker's turn to blink. "Callum? Are you... going somewhere?"

Callum managed to throw him a tiny smile, his legs ready to run, right towards her. His chest felt tight but in a good way. "I really need to go say it back," he said.

And then he did just that.


	5. south star

**a/n:** set post-s3 so massive s3 spoilers. also alludes the rayllum stargazing skit "written in the stars" shown at san diego comic con 2019 (but not necessary to have watched in order to understand). co-written by me and spiritypowers (tumblr)

south star

Beyond the freezing winds this high up, and the rush of exhilaration whenever he went for a flight, if there was one thing the Storm Spire was good for (beyond basically all the things, but especially) it was stargazing. A brilliantly bright night sky looked back at him, twinkling the way it did the first night he'd stepped foot in Xadia, what felt like a lifetime ago.

It was rare that Callum couldn't sleep, his training with Ibis even after three years keeping him more than busy. His teacher said that he was mastering the Sky arcanum faster than most elves did with years more training. After today, though, Callum wasn't sure that was what he wanted to hear.

That being said, part of Callum wished magic was what was keeping him up. It had been in his youth on more than one occasion—alone and torn at Lujanne's, and then the cave near the town with the dragon, but he'd had—

"It's a little early," came Rayla's soothing lilt, "don't you think?"

Despite everything, Callum found himself smiling as she sat down next to him on the ledge, the sleeping quarters for the Dragonguard (and him by extension) only a few caves and hallways away. Still, he stayed silent, looking up at the stars until Rayla bumped his shoulder with hers, concern shining softly in her eyes and a faint smile gracing her lips.

"Hey." She adjusted the flap of his scarf for a moment, and then toyed with the tiny braid she'd woven into his hair weeks ago. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said. "Just thinking."

Rayla pursed her lips. "It's okay to still miss him, Callum."

It was no secret that as much as he loved hearing from his brother, Ezran's letters often made him melancholy. "I know, I just… You know I'm happy here too, right?"

The corner of her mouth lifted. "Well, yeah," she said. "I can hear you all the way from inside the spire every time you learn a new spell, loud mage."

He chuckled. "I dunno. It's just… I kinda always thought I'd go back to Katolis eventually. You know, go back and be Ez's advisor or mage or whatever. But peace has held and Xadia still has so much to offer, and…" He looked over at her, his brow furrowed. "I don't know anymore."

"That's okay," she said, laying a hand on his arm. "You have time, don't you?"

The late autumn breeze tousled their hair. "Him and I were talking today," Callum revealed quietly. "And he… he said he'll likely have taught me all he knows by this spring. My training… it's done."

"Oh." Rayla looked away, and he saw her processing, before she forced a big, cheery smile that was almost completely genuine. "That's wonderful. I'm proud of you."

Callum couldn't help but smile back. "Thank you. I just…" It faded as soon as it came. "What do I do now?'

"That's your choice."

"I know that," he said, just the teeniest bit exasperated. "But I want your advice."

"I know you wanted to learn Moon magic next. I'm sure you could forge a connection there."

"I have found some really old records," he admitted. "I think I'm ready."

"You could go back to the Moon Nexus and have Lujanne teach you. Or one of the new Moon mages there. And you wouldn't be far from Ezran."

"I wouldn't," he agreed. He'd be closer to his brother than he had been in years, save for when they went back and visited Katolis a few times a year. Callum sighed and looked at her. "But I'd be far from you."

Her smile turned softer, a little sadder. "I know," she murmured, her fingers lingering at the end of his short braid. "But magic is your passion. You have to follow it." She let go, gently bumping his arm with hers. "Just write to me. I'll be here."

"Yeah, but—" Callum hunched over, shoulders broader now at seventeen even if he'd always be a bit more on the scrawnier side. "There was something else in Ez's letter that I can't stop thinking about."

Rayla tilted her chin up for him to elaborate, a gesture he'd come to know extremely well, so he did.

"It was my Mum and my stepdad's wedding anniversary last week. Or if would've been, if they… It got me thinking about when my mom told me she was gonna marry him. I was four—"

"And a precocious child, I'm sure," Rayla wheedled, coaxing a smile out of him.

"You've seen my old family portraits," he accused, leaning towards her. "You know I was adorable."

"Mmhm, and what happened?"

"Ha ha." He rubbed the tip of his nose against hers for a moment before leaning away. "Anyway, I remember when my mom first told me, I asked her if she was sure. And she said yes, so I asked her how. And she said she knew how because everything felt better, more manageable, when she was by Harrow's side. That it felt right." His gaze rested on her. "The longest we've ever been apart is two weeks when I was gone with Ibis on a magic retreat. I don't think I could last any longer."

Her face and voice softened, eyes full of love even as her lips turned downwards. "Callum—"

"I know it's not fair," he said, picking up speed. Rambling? "Because that puts it on you, but I swear, I'm not gonna resent you. Maybe if you take a longer leave from the Dragonguard we could go, or if and when you decide to retire, and—"

"Shut up." Everything about her was fond. "And listen to me. Do you remember our first night in Xadia?"

He blinked. "When we were talking about the stars? Yeah. I learned… a lot about Xadian mythology. The level of violence in it wasn't exactly reassuring."

Rayla chuckled. "You told me about the South Star."

"That humans use to navigate?"

"You got a little more poetic than that about it." She waved her hand. "Something about the brightest point in the endless darkness of the night?"

He smiled. "That sounds like me," he said.

Rayla took his hand and laced their fingers together. "My point," she said, giving his hand a squeeze, "is that during the darkest parts of my life, you've always been right there. Helping me move forward. Giving me direction. New perspectives." She looked up at him. "I may have asked you to help me take a dragon egg back to Xadia, but you're my south star, Callum. You always have been, since I offered to go back up in that tower with you. Wherever you go, I'll follow."

He smiled wide, half in disbelief. "Rayla, I…" He kissed her before he could fully decide to—some things never changed, he supposed—and she smiled against his mouth before he pulled away. "But the Dragonguard—"

"Will be fine without me. I've served my time here, for now anyway. I'm happy with my service, and Queen Zubeia will understand." It wasn't like the Dragon Queen could do much else. They'd brought her son back to her. "You've been working as a human ambassador here, and when we go to the Moon Nexus, I can work as one of the elven ambassadors towards Reintegration."

Slowly but surely, humans and elf settlements were starting to pop up along the border, mostly of craftsmen, farmers, and mages, all working together. Ellis' town was halfway there already with a handful each of Sunfire and Moonshadow elves.

"You're sure?" Callum said, hopeful.

Rayla arched her eyebrows at him. "Hey, who said I couldn't want to travel and see more of the world too? Particularly of the Pentarchy."

"It's not as interesting as Xadia," he admitted, but Rayla shushed him with a finger over his mouth.

"I think that's up for me to decide. And I'm sure you'll have lots of interesting facts to tell me, anyway." She took her finger away, and Callum knew he looked as lovestruck as he felt.

"I love you," he said with a happy sigh. Rayla flushed, smiling softly.

"I love you too, Callum." She stood up, pulling him along with her, her hands in his. "You ready to come back to bed now?"

He slid his arm around her waist and kissed her. "Yes. Thank you."

"Mm," she took his hand and tugged him back towards the caves. "For all you know, this is all a part of one big ulterior motive."

He laughed a little, letting her lead him along. "Which would be?"

"It's cold without you?"

Callum beamed. "If you want me to keep you warm, you can just ask nicely."

Her hands found his scarf once they reached their room, and Rayla smiled. "I may have to take you up on that. Come on."


	6. don't go where i can't follow

don't go where i can't follow

She'd figured that it was just one time, when he'd followed her off the edge of the Spire. And he'd been alright; he'd found his wings, and they'd held each other till the ground beneath their feet was finally stable. Then, the war had been over, the need for death defying stunts greatly decreasing, and beyond the occasional nightmare—holding him when he didn't catch her, and cold sweat coated his skin—she'd put it out of her mind. They'd lived. They were happy, at the Storm Spire, visiting Ez in Katolis, in between her shifts and his mage training.

Then there had been a day where a storm had rolled in, and a near avalanche of ice and rain had rocked the Spire to its core. She'd been carried away by some of it, an onslaught of water spilling off the side, and Callum had dove in after her without his runes or wings, had dragged her body out of the water before passing out himself, both of them having to be revived by some of the other newly formed Dragonguard. She'd been too grateful and soaked to scold him, and intent on making sure he was okay.

And now this. Rebel elves making an attempt on the Dragon Queen.

She sat beside him once he was bandaged up, a little bruised but mostly in one piece, healthy enough to fret over her.

"I can't believe you charged him like that," she muttered, "without a weapon."

Callum frowned; he been disarmed before tackling one of the elves and gotten scraped against the stone peaks. They were both lucky it wasn't worse. "He was going to kill you."

"I was handling it."

"Your back was turned. And I wasn't gonna wait for you to react to me yelling, so…" He brushed a strand of hair from her face. "You're sure you're okay?"

"You're really still asking me?"

"Yes? I almost lost you. I hate it when that happens."

Rayla leaned into his touch even if her frown didn't leave. "Well imagine how I feel watching you risk your life like that. It's not enjoyable for me either. First the river, now this." She shifted to check on the bandage on his arm. "It seems tight enough, but no wings for a bit."

Callum let out a heavy sigh. "Okay. But I want Ibis' verdict too." He got up and made his way across the antechamber to where the mage stood, back from his scouting mission to make sure the last of the elves had either been captured or killed.

Rayla watched him go. She supposed she should have been thankful she could count the amount of times he'd actually been injured on one four-fingered hand. The cliff had been a near miss, and Dark Magic the worst by far. Then the river, and… Rayla froze.

Every time he'd gotten hurt, it'd been because he'd gone after her.

Her heart beat fast and loud in her chest. No, that couldn't be right. Callum did dumb things sometimes with magic, or throwing the primal stone, and he almost got hurt out in the storm, but…

Her eyes widened. Every time she'd nearly died, she hadn't because he'd gone after her. Because he'd thrown his life on the line to save hers. The dragon. The Spire. Even getting her to give up on her suicide mission for the Dragon Queen. And he'd never even said anything about any of it.

"Ibis agrees," he said when he got back, but tears were already building in her eyes. His brow furrowed in concerned, and it just made things worse. "Hey, is everything—"

"You brave, _stupid_ human—" She reached up and hugged him tight and wasn't sure she'd ever let go.

He hugged her back, a little uncertain. "Did something happen?" he asked carefully. She pulled away just enough to look into his face.

She opened her mouth to speak, then just managed a weak smile. "I just love you," she said, kissing him firmly. She'd tell him the truth later, get him to agree to stop, when she had the strength for it. For now, she just needed to process.

Callum started out surprised and then melted into it, soothed but still a bit concerned when she drew away. "You sure everything's okay?"

"Everything's fine," she replied, giving him more of a genuine smile. She stroked her fingers over his cheek. "You're here."

* * *

"Is there something on your mind, Rayla?"

The Silvergrove was quiet in autumn. Adoraburrs drifted from the meadow and into the village, hiding under crunched leaves, and they'd left Callum out back of her home to play with them on his own while she waited with Ethari for tea. She'd wanted to talk to her father alone anyway.

She still hadn't told Callum her realization, although she thought she'd done a good job of hiding it the past few weeks. The Dragon Queen had been reluctant to let any guards off leave until recently, once the threat had been fully nullified in her eyes, and Rayla had only felt slightly guilty about requesting a week off so soon. But this wasn't for her, not really. It was for him, and that made the guilt go away, only to be replaced with a new kind.

She'd noticed it today too, walking around her home. The other elves were still wary of him (she didn't think they would have let him in at all if they'd known he'd ever done Dark Magic) but Callum always met the glaring ones with a glower of his own, even before she could. Gripped her hand a little tighter and made sure to block her from their gaze. A statement that he wouldn't be intimidated or cowed down, of course, but also… to protect her from her people's scorn. Always to protect her.

"There is something I wanted to talk to you about," she admitted. Opening up with anyone so freely was still new to her, but she and Ethari were all each other had left, and it had always been easier to open up to him than Runaan, anyway.

Ethari's face was gentle as he poured her a cup of moonleaf tea, some moonberry surprise in the oven behind him. "Go on, then."

"I… I'm okay, with risking my own life," she said. "I've known since I was young that I might have to. I'm used to it being a possibility in the Dragonguard. But… I realized recently that Callum has… a problem."

"A problem?"

"He does it too. But for _me_. And I didn't notice at first, I thought—it was a fluke? But every time I've almost died, since he and I met, the only reason I didn't is because he went after me. Even though that just means that _he_ almost dies."

Ethari glanced out the window and Rayla followed his gaze. Callum was lying, laughing hard on the leaves while the adoraburrs chittered and piled on top of him.

Ethari hummed. "Well, I suppose I'll have to thank him now."

"What? No—Ethari, that's not the _point_ —" Rayla huffed, a little desperate. "I need to get him to stop. It's one thing for me to risk my life. I can't ask him to do that for me."

"It doesn't sound like you've been asking."

Rayla pressed her lips together in a thin line. "But—he shouldn't."

"And he doesn't seem to think you should be risking your life quite so much either."

"But that's my _job_ —"

"And he's your partner. It shouldn't be surprising that he wants to take care of you, and yes, protect and save you when the need arises."

"But—if anything happened to him—"

"You wouldn't let it, would you? The same way he doesn't let anything happen to you." He smiled a little. "If there's something I've learned about love… The things you'll do to keep each other safe don't always make sense. You hardly think about the why, because you just do it. I'm glad you've found that, and so early in your life, too." He gave Rayla's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "It's not a curse, Rayla, to have someone who loves you that much. It's a blessing."

Rayla barely managed a smile. "How do you learn to be okay with it?"

"Well… I figured, if both parties keep risking everything for one another, both keep the other safe in the end, don't they? And even if it doesn't work the way you want…" His face fell. "But you're both always together. You'll be okay."

Runaan. Her heart twisted. She took Ethari's hand and squeezed it. "It's a good thing Callum and I won't be going anywhere anytime soon, then," she promised.

He smiled a little. "I have missed the company," he confessed.

"We'll try to visit more often. And if you ever wanted to go see the other side of the border, I'm sure Ezran would be more than happy to have you. He can get along with anyone, I swear."

"If he's as unusual as his brother, I'm sure," Ethari said, his smile easing.

"Callum and I were talking about going back to Katolis for some human holidays in winter," she revealed. "Would you like to come?"

"I'll consider it," he said, and she knew he would. Ethari paused and then gave her a sliver of a more satisfied smile. "You feel better now, little Ray?"

She smiled, a little flushed at her childhood nickname. "Yes. Thank you."

"Alright, now get your boyfriend, before the adoraburrs bury him completely."

"As if he'd mind," she grinned, but she went out back anyway, fond as she watched him allow an adoraburr to roll along his arm. "Callum? It's almost time for dinner."

He reluctantly dropped the adoraburr carefully back in the grass. "Alright." He brushed the dirt off his coat and then went to stand up, and then did a double take and stayed where he was. "Why're you smiling at me like that?"

She didn't stop and held out her hand, her eyes crinkling when he took it. "I just love you."

He didn't stand up right away, instead pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "I love you too."

Rayla narrowed her eyes. "If you pull me down—" She yelped when he did so, shoving at his chest when he laughed. "Jerk!" she grinned, rolling in the leaves as adoraburrs scurried out of the way, although it seemed like nothing could hurt them. Callum stayed flat on his back from where she'd shoved him, beaming as she rolled over to look at him on her side, her body curved slightly above his.

"Hey," he greeted, still with that wide, lopsided grin on his face. Her heart melted with little resistance.

Rayla picked an adoraburr out of his hair. "Hey."

"Didn't you come out here for something?"

"Hm, well I did come to find my boyfriend, but I'm afraid the adoraburrs got him."

Callum feigned a twisted expression, a hand on his chest. "How tragic."

Rayla barely held back a giggle. "Tell me about it."

He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Well, if you need a shoulder to cry on—" Rayla laughed loudly and shoved him gently in the chest again, still beaming when he guided her face down for a kiss. They rolled onto their sides as she pressed her lips more firmly to his, his other hand resting on her waist.

"Come on," she said, once she drew away. "We should get inside."

"Alright," he sighed, and sat up. They helped each other up, and she tightened her grip on his hand, holding him to the spot when he went to start walking. He gave her a silent, questioning look.

"Callum?" She gave him a small smile. "Thank you, for all the times you've saved my life."

"Of course," he murmured, looking only a little caught off guard before his expression shifted to something earnest and loving and open. "You'd do the same for me. You have."

She tilted her head at him. "I have?"

"It was the first thing you ever offered to do for me."

 _Say the word and I'll go back into that tower with you._ "I suppose it was," she agreed, the memory receding. She squeezed his hand. "So, that's how it's always going to be, then?"

He leaned in to kiss her cheek. "So long as you don't go where I can't follow, yeah."

"I don't think there's many places there," she said, swinging their hands between them as they started the walk back to the house. He'd somehow wandered to the very back of the property. "You're pretty stubborn."

"I wonder who I learned that from?"

Rayla barked out another laugh and he looked utterly pleased with himself. "Come on. Ethari's made moonberry surprise."

His face lit up. "Ooh—are you finally going to tell me what's in it?"

" _After_ you try it," she promised, although he didn't look disappointed at all. She tugged him along. "Come on," she said one more time, even if she wanted to stretch his moment out, and make it last forever. "Let's go home."


End file.
